Spidey 2002 vs. 2012

Last night I rewatched The Amazing Spider-Man. I admit that I originally watched it with a closed mind. I enjoyed it well enough. The action was great, and Garfield's Peter Parker was actually pretty great. Gwen Stacy and Captain Stacy were also solid matches. Rhys Ifans was okay as Dr. Conners, but for a villain he was fairly forgettable. I don't blame him for that. The Lizard was never a very compelling character for me in the comics as well. Pete's mechanical web shooters is straight from the comic. And his costume feels more real.

This morning I watched the original Sam Raimi Spider-Man. I will admit that Garfield plays a better Peter Parker than Maguire. The Spidey of the comics is funny and charming, but only to the readers (and the audience). To everyone around him, he is a great big loser. Maguire plays it all as a loser. Garfield plays it charming, with the director making him a loser to everyone else. This works well for The Amazing Spider-Man, but it's probably the only point that is genuinely stronger. Raimi's film is just more engaging. The origin flows better. The colors and editing are more fun and comic- booky. It has more comedy and a better villain. Elfman's musical theme is much more heroic and catchy (if you need a super-hero theme, call Danny Elfman). J.J.J is such an integral part of the mythos. The fact that he was left out of the new one is the biggest misstep in my opinion. JJ is Spidey's constant foil that he can't actually take out or put in jail. And he is Peter Parker's ONLY source of income. I missed JJ quite a lot. So as far as the origins go, Raimi made a better Spider-Man. Don't get me wrong. I'm still plenty excited about the new one coming up. It looks much more cinematic and comic-booky. And I'm really looking forward to seeing Garfield as Parker again.

Great Eagles of Middle Earth!

I've been hearing lots of talk lately about what everyone perceives as the BIG FLAW of Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit.  It always comes back to the eagles.  Why didn't the eagles just take the ring to Mount Doom?  Why didn't the eagles just take the dwarves to the Lonely Mountain?  I'll explain why this doesn't happen, but first I'm going to give you some background on the Middle Earth pantheon.

The god of all Middle Earth is called Eru.  He sent the Valar to create the world.  The Valar are basically “high angels”.  The head of the Valar is Manwe.  He is the Valar of the air.  The Great Eagles (giant eagles) are his personal servants.  We are in the 3rd age of Middle Earth.  Man was created in the 2nd age.  Elves were created and ruled the 1st age.  Melkor (a.k.a. Morgoth) was the one Valar who rebelled and became the “Satan” of this world.  The lesser demons that followed him were called Balrogs.  Sauron was one of these lesser angels.  In the 1st age (and even before, when no intelligent life was on Middle Earth) the “angels” and “demons” were constantly warring over Middle Earth and each epic battle would reform the surface of the earth.  The last time this happened was at the end of the 1st age.  Whole nations of elves were destroyed by landmasses being relocated to the bottom of the sea.  “God” said that enough was enough and forbid the Valar from ever interfering in Middle Earth again.  The good thing is that Melkor was finally chained forever in outer space.  Most of the balrogs were destroyed or buried (Sauron being one that laid low for quite a while).

The Valar saw Sauron gradually coming to power but they couldn't do anything about it.  So they helped by sending 5 “lesser angels” called Maiar to Middle Earth so help fight battles not by using their great power, but by influencing mankind to make the right decisions and teaching them to defeat the great evils on their own.  Gandalf was one of these maiar (though the people of Middle Earth called them istari or wizards).  The 3rd age was ending and man would inherit the earth from the elves, so it was important for them to figure out how to stand on their own and not be so dependent on gods and elves.  This is why Gandalf VERY rarely uses epic powers.  When he went up against that balrog in Moria, it was like two Maiar squaring off against each other.

The other ace that the Valar kept in Middle Earth were the Great Eagles.  They were the spies for Manwe who would tell them what was going on.  And very rarely, at the last possible minute, they would help Gandalf if he needed it.  Gandalf, after all, was a direct maiar of Manwe himself.  This is why they would show up when they would and it is also why it was so important for them not to just take the ring to Mordor or help out with menial dwarvish quests.  Man will not attempt to step up and accomplish great and wonderful things for the world if he knows God or the angels will do it for him.

I feel this applies in our own world as well.  We blame God for the evils that exist in this world that He “loves”.  But what we should be doing is drawing inspiration and courage from Him and standing up to do great deeds for our world.  What goes on in this world is in our hands.  I've heard it said that God is love, yet too many of us sit back getting all the love without passing any on.  God (Who is love) created us in His own image.  It is time we start living up to that image.

My first CAT scan!

Had my CAT scan today. They gave me a GIANT berry smoothie to drink 45 minutes prior to the appointment. I've had my fair share of Jamba Juice. This was NOT a berry smoothie. And when I showed up at the hospital, they gave me more to drink. Their product will not be getting an endorsement from me. They had me lay down on this platform in front of what I can only describe as a “Stargate” portal. In fact, the whole room felt like I was preparing to board Space Mountain at Disneyland. After 15 minutes of vigorously slapping my arms, they determined that I was vainless and had to bring over yet another expensive looking piece of technology that they called “the vein finder”. Once they located their prey, they jammed an IV into my hand and told me to pull down my jean shorts. I still don't quite know why that was necessary, but whatever. Needles in arms, and pants around ankles, the platform that I was lying down on started moving forward towards the Starcraft portal. I was certain that any minute it was going to shoot me forward like the Matterhorn Bobsleds, and I actually braced myself for that to happen, but it never did. I did get to see laser lights all over the inside of the portal, and a friendly robotic voice told me when to breathe and when to STOP breathing. The technicians told me to prepare for the iodine that I would get through my IV. Next thing you know, my ears got really hot – like I was wearing some sort of earmuff/heatpad contraption. Well, that's weird. My crotch is also really hot. Kind of like.... OH CRAP! Did I just pee myself?! Is this one of those adverse reactions that I skimmed over?! I try desperately to see if my undies were wet, but the techs keep telling me not to move. So there I am with my pants around my ankles, unable to move, wondering if I just paid a $200 copay to use a $300,000 piece of sci-fi equipment as a toilet. Luckily, I kept my bladder in check and the sensation was simply that. They told me I was done and I took off out of there like I had robbed the place. Good times.

My first ultrasound!

I had my first ultrasound today. It was weird. I’ve seen quite a few, but to be the one lying down with my shirt up was bizarre. You know, cuz I'm a guy.  I kept wanting to ask the tech if she could tell what the sex was. The process took over an hour. She had to get pictures of every single abdominal organ, and I guess I’ve got bunches. She wasn’t gentle, especially on my ribs. I learned things about myself. Did you know that I’m still ticklish? I thought I outgrew that. But it’s been awhile since I’ve had to lie on my back, unmoving while someone vigorously digs into my ribs. I kept my cool. I didn’t laugh. But it took all my concentration not to start giggling like I’m 8 and Kimberly is pinning me down. Me: “Stop it! It hurts! I can’t breathe!” Kimberly: “It can’t be that bad, if you are laughing so hard!” I thought those days were behind me. So there I was, focusing with all my might to not burst out laughing. I focus best with my eyes closed. At one point I realized I was closing my eyes with a huge smile on my face. So now I look like some big perv who is enjoying his ultrasound way too much. I open my eyes to see her giving me an odd look. I could explain, but the whole process is awkward enough without my opening my mouth to say something stupid. So I just try to forcibly stifle my smile which of course quickly comes across like a contorted scowl. She asks if I’m okay. I mutter, “yep”. Come on, lady. I just want this over with so I can get out of here with my dignity. Hurry up and finish and give me a towel so I can clean this goo off my stomach. Overall, I rate the experience better than the dentist, but worse than a tattoo. I suppose it would be more positive if they were looking for a baby and not abnormalities.

My Review of The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug

Okay folks.  I’ll write a couple of paragraphs without spoilers and I’ll let you know when I venture into that territory before whipping them out.  I watched The Hobbit: DoS yesterday and it was excellent.  It was a fun roller coaster ride, but it reminded me how lucky we are with how the Lord of the Rings trilogy turned out.  Desolation of Smaug is indeed better than An Unexpected Journey, but nowhere near the level of quality of the Rings trilogy.  This is to be expected because you could say the same thing about the books.  The stakes are not high enough.  Although there are major chess pieces being moved around all over by Gandalf and Sauron, it’s all just a bunch of wins or losses in battles.  The great war has not yet begun because neither side realizes that the One Ring of power is a player.  Once everyone realizes it exists in LoTR, it’s a huge “all or nothing” war to the finish.  But as far as our primary characters in the Hobbit movies know, this is simply an adventure. 

As I re-read my review, I see that I do an awful lot of complaining.  I really did enjoy this movie.  It was a lot of fun and has a special place in my heart because it’s a journey back to Middle Earth.  But it seems the things that stick out in my head are things that I have issues with.  I’ve tried not to compare it to LoTR, but it seems impossible to me.  And therein lies most of the problems.  The styles are so completely different in these films than in LoTR – especially in this one.  The action starts right off from the get-go and keeps going until the last shot.  There is no long sequences of lingering in Hobbiton or Rivendell.  I like this approach, though it can feel sometimes exhausting.  The camera swoops around like we are watching the action from a cyclone.  Everything is so completely over the top.  The only way that I can wrap this stylistic change around my head is to think of these movies as coming from the exaggerated narrative of Bilbo Baggins himself.  We know from AUJ that he wrote this story and is telling it in his own manner.  With that in mind, I kind of like the dramatic change in style, though it makes me grateful that we will always have LoTR.  We continue to get very little drama and character development in DoS.

I’m sure you’ve seen Legolas from the trailers.  One of the things Becky mentioned to me was how Legolas lacks the subtlety in his character this time around.  Subtlety.  That is what is missing from every single scene.  Nothing is left open to interpretation.  Every glance is in your face.  Every action is spelled out by the character’s themselves, for fear that the audience may not be able to come to their own conclusions.  As I watch this, I am reminded of my reaction to The Phantom Menace as I compared it to previous Star Wars films.  Okay.  I must apologize for that.  Peter Jackson is still at least a competent storyteller (though that may be in part because he is following the source material provided by Tolkien).  But let me give you an example of the action.  Remember in the LoTR trilogy when Legolas would get one huge over the top moment in each film to be Errol Flynn on steroids?  This time, he does that in EVERY ACTION SEQUENCE.  Every time he and Tauriel are on screen, they are spinning and sliding like they are living in the Matrix.  It’s really cool at first.  But then it just gets old.  Give us Christmas once a year and it is magical and fun and beautiful and fantastic.  Give it to us every single day, and it becomes just like every other day in the year.  Subtlety and restraint.

Now I’m going to get into some spoiler territory.  If you think it’s okay because you’ve read the book, you are dead wrong.  PJ ventures FAR off the path of the novel.  Most of it I am okay with, but there are a couple of additions that made me quite angry.

The first thing we get in the movie is Beorn.  Beorn is a cool guy.  He is the last skin changer in the world and he can turn himself into a bear.  In the book, Gandalf says “This guy is dangerous and we don’t want to anger him so I’m going to bring you guys in two at a time to watch carefully how he reacts.”  In the film Gandalf says “I don’t know.  He might help us.  He might kill us.  Everybody rush into his house all at once!!”  And they do.  They storm Beorn’s house, screaming all the while, and then lock him outside.  What?!  Once Beorn shows up in human form, we get about 5 minutes with this fantastic character before we are rushed out to the next set piece.
Gandalf leaves, and Bilbo and company head into Mirkwood.  Mirkwood was done wonderfully.  The spiders were lots of fun.  And guess what?  They talk!  My 12 year old argued last week that if the spiders talk like they do in the book then this series is ruined for him.  I understand where he is coming from.  The Hobbit book is full of talking animals, but LoTR is not.  He wants to see this filmic world follow the rules that it previously established.  Well, the cool thing is that Bilbo really only hears their thoughts once he puts on the ring.  It makes sense because these spiders are creatures of the shadow and are drawn to the darkness that Dol Guldur has brought to Mirkwood.

Speaking of Dol Guldur, from what I remember it’s all the way at the bottom of Mirkwood.  And Mirkwood is huge, Dol Guldur is several hundred miles away.  And yet, multiple characters make it there and back in no time at all.  I guess the laws of time and space don’t apply to a world compose of CGI.  And that’s another thing that bugged me a bit.  The LoTR orcs looked fantastic with their make-up and prosthetics.  Lurtz and Gothmog were especially creepy.  Sometimes I would just want to pause the movie and marvel at them.  Not so much in DoS.  PJ keeps giving us orcs with CGI faces.  Why?  They don’t look cool.  They just look like CGI faces!

I’ve read some reviews where people had problems with Gandalf using major powers in Dol Guldur.  Gandalf isn’t supposed to match power with power.  As an istari, he is forbidden.  And yet here, he appears to pull out some pretty big guns.  But I don’t really see it that way.  He uses a spell to reveal a glamour, and what appears to be some sort of force shield/bubble.  The force shield itself is more like pure light that is holding off pure dark.  That’s reasonable to me.  If he used that spell on any other creature, it wouldn’t do much but brighten it up or maybe scare it away like he did with the ringwraiths outside of Minas Tirith.

One of the things I enjoyed the most was PJ’s inclusion of a completely invented character, Tauriel.  It’s Kate from Lost playing an elf.  I liked her a lot.  Every time she was on screen and not fighting, she brought great emotional depth to a film that lacked great emotional depth.  She is actually in it a lot, and though Legolas is in it just as much, his role felt like nothing more than a cameo next to hers.  However, once she shows up, PJ starts changing the story.  She and Kili begin this crazy elf/dwarf love-at-first-sight storyline that I have major issues with.  I’m most conflicted with this, because it doesn’t feel forced.  It feels right.  And yet, it’s an ELF and a DWARF!  Maybe I just need to let it go and accept that times are changing. 

Laketown was so much more fully realized than I had ever imagined.  I loved it!  But once again, PJ strays far from the source material.  Bard’s black arrow isn’t an arrow at all, but a harpoon.  Bilbo doesn’t save the day by revealing Smaug’s one weak spot.  Bard reveals this info to Bilbo.  Four of the dwarves stay behind in Laketown while the rest go on to Erebor Yeah, they’ve come all this way facing death defying odds at every turn but now that they have made it practically to the doorstep, they stop.  Who cares about seeing their ancestors home?  Laketown is so much prettier this time of year with their fish and fog and animosity towards dwarves.  Bofur stays behind because he slept in.  Kili hurt his leg.  Fili won’t go without Kili.  And Oin is just….um….old?

Kili, by the way, is dying from being shot in the leg with an arrow.  And the only ones who can save the day is Tauriel and Legolas.  Plus Laketown gets invaded by orcs, so the elves get to do some more Matrix style killing. 
And here is the thing that hurts me the most.  Tauriel saves Kili with a handful of Kingsfoil.  Kingsfoil?  Aye, it’s a weed.  Yep.  The same stuff that Aragorn used to save Frodo in Fellowship of the Ring.  In Fellowship, Arwen came to him after Aragorn administered the poultice and she looked all glowy and beautiful.  I always assumed that was because Frodo was close to darkness and was now approached by an elf of the light – Elrond’s daughter, Galadriel’s granddaughter.  Arwen is from a race of elves that has seen the light of the original sun and moon in the Blessed Realm (aka elf heaven).  But guess what?  Kili sees Tauriel in the same mystical glowy fashion.  Tauriel is a lowly Sylvan elf.  Their claim to fame is that they live Mirkwood.  Technically, Thranduil and his son, Legolas, have some Sindarin in them which is a mix of light and dark elves.  But Tauriel should be strictly Silvan – otherwise known as dark elves who haven’t seen the light of the Blessed Realm.  That leaves me to conclude that Kili was just high, and Frodo was experiencing the same effects.  But that’s not the part that kills me.  Athelas, also known as Kingsfoil, is a common weed that has NO medicinal properties unless administered BY THE HANDS OF A KING.  This is why Aragorn was able to heal Frodo with it.  In the book, it is one of the major ways that he uses to prove that he is the true king.  This is why people never thought of it as anything more than just a weed.  So in PJs world, it is all over the place, but NOBODY knows it’s healing properties even though ANYONE can use it to heal?  THIS MAKES NO SENSE and it’s the number one thing that frustrates me with this movie.  Seriously.  This is as bad as Lucas’ midichlorians.  PJ moved too much stuff around on this perfectly stable tower just to make it his own, and this is the block that makes his Jenga tower topple. 

The final 30 minutes involve not just Bilbo, but the dwarves entering Erebor and confronting Smaug.  They create this huge overly elaborate plan to kill the dragon once and for all.  It turns the dwarves into Matrix fighters as well, as they practically fly through the halls, coming close to meeting their end dozens of times.  Thorin boogie boards down a river of molten gold.  Finally, the gather all the molten gold together and cover Smaug with it.  I’m not sure what it was supposed to do.  Burn him?  Nice try doing that to a heat proof dragon.  Drown him?  Well, he’s got wings so he just flies right out.  Maybe they expected it to be more quick drying and turn him into some sort of golden gargoyle.  But he just shakes it off like a wet dog.  This whole final 30 minute sequence was the most boring part for me.  It was all CGI and it just kept going on and on and on.  Jumping down stairs, flying on ropes, crashing through walls.  Fire, fire, fire.  It sounds exciting, but it almost had me nodding off like I was watching the podrace from Phantom Menace.  Noisy.  Dark, except for blinding flashes of fire.  And constant moving without really comprehending what was going on.  When the movie finally concludes, it ends so abruptly that I was almost shocked.  Action!  Action!  Action!  And then roll credits.  No quiet moment reflecting on the adventure or character growth. 

I’m going to be seeing this a second time next week with my kids and my father-in-law.  Typically, a second review will tell me how I really feel.  I’ll get to judge the movie on its own merit instead of my expectations.  I enjoyed Iron Man 3 more on my second viewing.  On the other hand, I hated Phantom Menace and X-Men 3 even worse.  As I think about watching it a second time, I feel excited.  So I couldn’t have disliked it too much.  And maybe after seeing the extended version, I will enjoy it even more.  I remember having HUGE problems with Two Towers until I saw the extended version.  Until then, don’t take my word for it.  Go see the movie.  Becky said she loved every minute of it.

Marvel Studios Villains - Mid Phase 2

The new era of Marvel films has been a lot of fun. But the thing I’ve been disappointed with the most has been its treatment of villains. Think back on some of the great superhero movies we’ve had in the past. Its heroes have been that much more heroic because of the wonderful villains that have been faced. Superman II (1980) had General Zod. Batman (1989) and The Dark Knight both had Joker. Spider-Man 2 had Doctor Octopus. X-Men had Magneto. The Marvel Studios movies today seem to just drop villains in and hope they will excel based on their own merit. They don’t. Where are our 4 star villains? I don’t mean someone truly evil or insane. Just someone who acts as the protagonist, but is an actual fully fleshed out character. 

Captain America was SO heroic, but does anyone remember the threatening menace and power of Red Skull? 

What about Iron Man 3? On my second viewing of it, I enjoyed it more than the first. But still, the Mandarin (whichever incarnation you choose to see) is just a blip on the villain radar. The movie was more about Tony’s suits falling apart like a bunch of Legos. 

Iron Man 2’s big villain was Vanko. Or was it Whiplash? Everyone refers to him as Whiplash but I don’t remember Vanko being referred to as such, nor can I see any sort of resemblance with the rather obscure villain in the comics. Either way, I just see another 1 star villain. It’s great that they got Mickey Rourke, but he doesn’t do much except mumble some stuff about a bird and making God bleed.

However, I will concede and give 3 stars to Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer. This “puppeteer” was the real villain of Iron Man 2. He has this huge presence of his own making that he is trying to maintain just to get out of the shadow of Tony Stark. He wants to be popular. He wants to be loved by the masses. He has a ton of money, just like Stark. And he doesn’t get why Stark is always the hero. It’s not in his nature to think of others and he assumes that everyone thinks this way. He is too wrapped up in himself and in his desperation for success to worry about anybody else. He thinks that breaking the law is something that everyone who has money does to achieve their goals. And he certainly can’t be villainous if everyone is doing it. He would never murder someone. He would agree that it’s tragic when people are killed, but if he doesn’t witness it then why should he concern himself over it – even if it was as a result from a direct order to his subordinates. This villain is what keeps Iron Man 2 floating more than it should. 

The first Iron Man gives us Iron Monger (derived from a throwaway line from Jeff Bridges’ character). The presence of a bald bearded Jeff Bridges is heavy. His intimidation of Pepper at his office, and Tony at the mansion, is very strong - and discovering that this fatherly guardian with the voice of reason is the very one who sold Tony to terrorists even BEFORE he was Iron Man is pretty traumatic. But I just summed up all of his villainous aspects in one (run on) sentence. He gets 2 stars for at least not being a blip.

Abomination was the villain in The Incredible Hulk. It was taken again from a character’s throwaway line. Okay. I can’t say that. Tim Blake Nelson’s delivery of that line was a gleefully fantastic moment, and I still have my fingers crossed that he’ll show up in a future Hulk movie as The Leader. We’ll see. But primarily, the villain went by Blonsky. The Incredible Hulk was a different movie in that I felt the villain overshadowed the hero in terms of depth. By the end of the movie, Blonsky was a monster – quite literally. But at the beginning, he was working for the government with no other motive than to complete his mission. His transformation from mercenary, to super soldier, to monster was just wonderful. Blonsky doesn’t want to rule the world. He doesn’t have a mad passion to kill and destroy. His villainy comes from his own insecurities about himself. He was once a warrior and a soldier in his prime. He still seems himself this way, but he knows that he’s getting too old. He’s in his 40s. He is losing his identity. He sees this weakling scientist, Banner, holding this power that he doesn’t even want or need. He agrees to undergo a makeshift supersoldier process a la Captain America with a formula scrapped together since the original was lost in the 40s. Where else does he have to go in his life? Why not? And it WORKS! He is a HUNTER again! He doesn’t hate the Hulk. He doesn’t hate humanity. All he wants is to prove himself a warrior once again, and so he pits himself (body, mind, and ego) all up against the Hulk. And every bone in his body is shattered. Now, the challenge of the Hulk is too great for him to let go. He was beaten and humiliated. Maybe it’s the botched supersoldier serum that is driving him mad. Or maybe it’s the red haze of his own ego. But now, he can’t focus on anything else than to become like the Hulk and put him in his place. And if civilians have to die – well, that’s just the casualties of war, isn’t it? Tim Roth as Blonsky/Abomination was fantastic. And even though the end was just like the end of Iron Man (CGI Iron Man fights bigger CGI Iron Man – CGI Hulk fights bigger CGI Hulk), as a villain, Blonsky gets 3 stars.

Who do we have left? Oh yes. Loki. I’m not going to say much about him because I don’t want to spoil anything for those who haven’t seen Thor 2 yet. But I will say this. In the first Thor, Loki was a fantastic 3 star villain. All he wanted was to prove his worth to his father – in hopes that he could rule. He maintained this 3 star status in the Avengers, partly because of his history with Thor. When you look back at the devastation in Avengers, Loki’s motives and manipulations all stem from the simple fact that he just wants a world of his own to rule. If he won’t be allowed Asgard, then why not the far inferior Earth? It’s primitive. And pointless in the eyes of Odin. And of all the stinking worlds that he has his mind set on, Thor has decided to proclaim himself protector of this one. Or maybe, Loki subconsciously picked this one BECAUSE of his brother. His brother who has everything – looks, strength, an actual Asgardian bloodline. His brother who keeps showing him love and forgiveness and makes it so hard for him to hate – and thus he resents him further because of it. In Thor 2 we have Malekith and Kurse who are both 1 star blips. But all is forgiven thanks to Loki’s elevation to a 4 star villain. 

He begins as a caged rat, imprisoned by his own father for doing nothing. He didn’t invade Asgard. He broke some rules and ran away, but how many times has Thor done that now? And wouldn’t you run away if you just found out you were adopted and lied to? All he wanted was for his father to love him more than Thor, but how can that possibly happen now that he isn’t even his real son? Loki is hurt. He knows now that he has frost giant blood and thinks that maybe he should just stop trying. Maybe he was bad from the beginning. He never considers the fact that Odin saw him as a baby and loved him as his own blood from that very moment. And so in the first Thor film a couple Asgardian soldiers died and he took off. He wreaked some havoc on a world (Earth) that Odin couldn’t care less about. But now Thor has grabbed him, brought him back to his father, and tattled on him – throwing a hissy-fit over an insignificant world. And Loki finds himself in prison – on a time out. All of this character depth he has carried over into this one, and he just keeps going. In Thor 2 we get to see lots more of Loki. By the end, he is a 4 star villain. He is a full fledged character. He is someone deserving of a Comic Con fanbase.

Monsters

Monsters.  What is it that we are so afraid of?  And if they frighten us so much, why do we keep coming back for more?  I think the last thing that most of us want is to be confronted with a true monster.  With horror movies, we get to walk all the way up to the edge of the abyss of death and look over without any real fear of falling in.  Our most popular monsters involve two things that frighten us the most.  The first one is death.  The second involves putting a mirror in front of our faces to confront the hidden horrors that exist inside all of us. 
Zombies
Popular culture has transformed zombies from lone mindless slaves of voodoo masters into armies of cannibalistic corpses, shuffling along with no other purpose than to satisfy their hunger with the living.  The living undeath spreads like a disease from which no one is immune.  The older we get, the faster we approach death.  Parts start breaking down.  Friends and family pass away.  We age and decay before our own eyes.  Death becomes like a disease that consumes us.  It’s not difficult to see why we fear and relate to stories of death eating life, spreading and spreading, throughout the world, until we focus on a handful of survivors who do everything in their power to keep death from consuming them.  This may be the most terrifying monster of them all.  Death doesn’t discriminate.  It takes the young and the old.  The sick and the healthy.  The good and the evil.  It is mindless, hungry, violent, and it never stops chasing you.  There is no cure.  If you manage to outrun it for a time, it will still consume all of those around you until you are alone in the world. 
Ghosts 
Popular tradition tells us that a ghost is the spirit of a deceased person whose soul is still wandering in the physical world.  Death scares us all.  But what happens when we die?  Is that the end?  Will we just end?  What if I’m not done being alive?  There are so many things I still want to do!  I want to tell my wife one last time that I love her.  I want to see my grandchild’s first birthday.  I want to cure cancer.  I want to finish my hamburger.  It’s likely that we will never be ready for death.  So who gets to go to heaven, and who becomes trapped in the world they couldn’t let go of?  How does it all work?
Ghosts combine our fear of death with fear of the unknown – the afterlife.  When we die, what spirits will come to claim us?  The idea of being haunted by an invisible presence that knows all of our secrets unnerves most of us.  Humanity is filled with choices that we regret or secrets that we prefer to keep hidden, like skeletons in a closet.  The thought of those secrets coming back to torment us is the root of our fear of being haunted. 
Quite often, our greatest desire is to keep on living in some form or another after we die, or else what is it all for?  From the murderous banshees of The Grudge to the benign spooks of The Sixth Sense, we often think of ghosts as spirits who are unable to let go of the life they left behind.  Maybe they can’t let go of their loved ones, or their money.  Maybe they are trying to communicate one last message.  Maybe they want revenge for their untimely murder.  Whatever the reason, they are so singularly obsessed that they are unable to move on.  Many of us have dealt with this kind of obsession in our own lives.  We dwell on the poor choices that we have made or on the things that have been done to us.  We wait for that lover or child or career that we’ve lost to come back to us.  We become so lost in the past or a present that “might have been” that we forget to live.  Life stops and we become ghosts ourselves.  Maybe a resolution will solve this undeath.  Maybe if we wait long we will get that apology, or long lost love, and our world will be fixed.  But it’s not likely.  We are the only ones that can choose to start living regardless of what life sends our way.  And so it is the ghosts that we are afraid of becoming, that scare us the most. 
Werewolves
Werewolves are portrayed as cursed individuals with a beast inside of them that they are unable to tame.  There are violent places in a man’s soul that he’d rather not admit that he has.  Even to those of us who haven’t experienced this violence first hand, there’s always the thought of “what if”.  What if the animal gets out?  What if I can’t control my anger?  Or my lust?  What if the beast wins?  What if I hurt someone close to me?  What if I say something so awful that I can’t take it back?  What if I allow that haze of fury to blind me to my own actions, and when the dust settles and I wake up, I discover that I am not fit to be a husband or a father?  What if that ONE time that I let the beast out, it hurts someone so much, that they feel entitled to just ONE time of letting the beast out?  And so the cycle of the werewolf continues.
Vampires
  Ever since Bram Stoker gathered up all the vampire myths and published them in his penultimate novel, Dracula, 114 years ago, the world has been fascinated by vampires.  And why not?  Here you have our first “monster” that is in control.  A very human looking figure with supernatural strength, shape-shifting skills, powers of seduction, and immortality.  The devil never looked so good.  But make no mistake, his primary goal is to consume your life and eventually, your soul.  This “devil” can’t enter your world unless you invite him in.  Once there, he will come to you when you are sleeping and your defenses are down.  Night after night, he will subtly suck your life away.  You probably won’t even notice it.  Friends may notice you shying away from things of the light that once gave you joy.  One day you will wake up and wonder what you ever saw in your friends in the first place.  Who understands you now?  At this point the vampire will make himself known to you as someone who just wants a friend.  After all, this person understands you.  They “get” the dark.  They aren’t afraid of it like your friends are.  Maybe the vampire will even let you in on what has been happening to you and you’ll feel like it’s really no big deal.  It’s okay now.  He can drink your blood if he wants.  But now he wants you to drink HIS blood back.  You are repulsed.  But you have to make a choice.  Embrace the darkness?  Or flee from it?  Maybe if you just go along and push through this repulsion, everything will be okay.  But it’s not.  You’ve stepped over the threshold by your own free will and there is no going back.  You find yourself hiding in the night.  Sticking to the shadows.  You’re more at home with the things that happen in the dark and you’d rather others not see what you’ve become.  You can’t stand the sight of yourself anyways.  You get rid of all mirrors, because you know if you looked into one, the person staring back would be a harsh reminder of how far you’ve fallen.  It’s better to get rid of all the mirrors and hide yourself from your own undeath.  Crosses and religious symbols used to bring such light to your world.  Now you flee before them to escape those reminders that burn you and stab at your heart.  A heart that no longer beats for anything.  You remain seduced by the dark.  And still you are repulsed by yourself for allowing to be seduced by the dark.  You have nothing to love and no one left to love you back.  It’s just you and the dark.  Your heart aches with hunger pangs.  You’d do anything to FEEL again, and wake up from this undeath.  So you seek someone out.  Someone that you can befriend.  And seduce.  And bring down to your level.  Someone to feed off of.  And it will ease your pain and satisfy you.  For a time.  These days, vampires have been watered down.  We’ve given them capes, and souls, and glitter.  We think that maybe we can rescue them and fall in love so they won’t be so lonely.  And in return they can protect us from other things that go bump in the night.  But deep down, we walk that dangerous edge with full knowledge that one day they may try to seduce us.  And we may like it.

 We watch horror movies.  We get scared.  We laugh.  And we tell ourselves that they’re only stories.  But in reality, the horrors in these tales that we fear exist in all of us.  We are zombies.  We are ghosts.  We are werewolves.  And we are vampires.  Say your prayers at night and hope the dawn comes swiftly.